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March 09, 2009

TV Free #1: I Want My MTV or any TV. Please!

Posted by Lisa at 12:22 PM ET | Comments (3)

For the month of March I've given up my beloved 300 television channels. OK, actually, truth be told, I don't really love the sports channels so much, or the one that just seems to play the Godfather movies back to back. So let's say 250 beloved television channels and some filler. The important thing is, they're all gone for the month of March. I'll be blogging the experience at the end of each week right here, until the friend I gave my cable box to returns it on April 1.

This started as an experiment to see what it would be like to cut TV out of my life. I was initially excited about the projects I would finally finish, once my Saturday afternoons weren't spent eating chip dip with my finger and watching What Not To Wear marathons. I would finish decorating the apartment I moved into many months ago. I would read all those books I started but soon cast aside because I needed to watch the Top Chef finale and then complain to whoever would listen that the bald guy never should have won. I would bake pies from scratch. I would write the great American novel — even though I live in Canada. Without television I would get shit done.

I am not shy about my love of television. People assume that because I work at a progressive magazine that I spend all my time reading Marxist theories of worker alienation or waving placards outside embassies. My love of television is frequently frowned upon in progressive circles. "But you're watching it with an eye to critical discourse, right?" they ask. Maybe, okay, if you say so. Sure, I have some semi-intelligent things to say about what I watch. I may get annoyed that queer men are only represented on shows where they compete to be fashion designers, hairdressers or the next Rupaul, but truth be told most of the time I'm not sitting on my couch with librarian glasses on giving what I watch a whole lot of thought. Television is my escape. I like to turn my brain off and watch Rock of Love and the only thing I'm really thinking that hard about is what's wrong with Brett Michaels' hair. Is it a wig? A bandana with extensions glued to it? Does it feel gross when touched?

I recently read — because I can't watch tv — that the average American watches something like five hours of television a night. I told a friend this statistic and she responded with "that's gross." I tried to fake disgust.

"Yeah, totally. That's gross. Losers. Who do they think they are?" Secretly, I was jealous and wondered what they were watching.

I miss being an average American. My first night without cable I didn't know what to do. There was no Gossip Girl. No Intervention. Also, why are the people on Intervention always so surprised when the intervention happens at the end? Are they too wasted to ever see the show to the end? The title sorta gives the premise of the show away. There was no Whitney Port and her big fake adventures in The City. I read. I grew restless and organized some sweaters in my closet. My apartment was oddly quiet. I went to bed at 10:30. I thought, "My god, what have I done?" By day three it wasn't any easier. I cheated and watched some episodes of on 30 Rock online. On day five I wondered what the cast of The Real World: Brooklyn was doing without me. On Saturday I rented Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and watched it twice just to bask in the warm glow of my television — also because it has
Michael Cera and a good soundtrack. They say the first week of giving anything up is the hardest. Here's hoping week two is easier.

Also, I know the new cycle of America's Next Top Model just started. I know Andy Dick is now on Sober House. I know the new season of Celebrity Apprentice is upon us. Please don't rub my nose in it. That's just cruel.

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